Learning How to Love
by ScarlettAlexis
Summary: Post 100th fic. She took a deep breath, “I need a behavioral therapist. Someone who specializes in Aspergers.” The line was quiet for a moment. “I know someone who can help.” His voice was soft when he said, “You really have come a long way.”
1. Prologue

_Ok so this picks up right after the infamous 100__th__ (of course) It will be a multi chapter fic (no idea how long) and changed to M in later chapters (because really is it worth reading if it isn't?). I'm gonna try something new though, this fic will deal with Brennan's apparent Aspergers and her struggle to be what she thinks Booth needs. I'm apologizing ahead of time for the grammar and spelling._

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**Prologue **

Sweets looked out the window one more time muttering to himself, "What the hell just happened?"

He had seen the entire scene and though he couldn't read lips, body language let him know what they were talking about. Well, that and the kiss. What surprised him was Brennan pulling away. And what shocked him was her tears. He had really thought she was ready. Apparently he'd missed something.

Now he was really depressed. Not only was his book crap, he'd read her wrong and consequently screwed up their relationship. Booth was gonna shoot him. No doubt about it. Not that he didn't deserve it.

"Damn."

* * *

The car ride home was quiet and tense. Brennan had no idea how to break the tension. She'd already apologized and she sure as hell wasn't going to tell him why exactly he needed protection from her. But he did, him and Angela both, because they were the ones who cared the most, mattered the most.

Brennan was diagnosed with Aspergers in her early twenties. Before that it was a personality disorder and before that…well she didn't remember, but it had been something or other since she was three or so. It didn't matter, the outcome was the same. She knew she was different. Hell they all knew she was different, but while they assumed her 'compartmentalization' and her constant 'I don't know what that means' were deflections, and sometimes they were, mostly she just didn't understand. Behavior therapy as a child and a little in college had helped immensely, but it could only take her so far. Maybe it was time to try it again.

"Bones we're home," snapped her out of her musings. He still had that look on her face. She was pretty sure it was on hers too, she just didn't know how to make it go away. Not yet.

"Thanks Booth. I'll see you tomorrow." She glanced at him one more time before shutting the door and going inside.

She sat her things down and went right to the phone. She had to do this. She couldn't stand the look on his face or the sentence that kept running through her head. "I gotta find someone who'll love me."

She had trouble understanding a lot of emotions until she experienced them herself, and even then it wasn't a guarantee. Jealousy though she was well acquainted with. She had admitted to Booth not long ago that she was jealous of all of them. Of their belief in love, of their ability to love. She dialed the number.

"Come on. Come on. Pick up." she really hoped he was home. She didn't know who else to call.

"Gordon Wyatt."

"Gordon Gordon, this is Dr. Brennan. I need a favor," she was surprised at how desperate she sounded.

"Ah, what can I do for the lovely Dr. Brennan tonight?" he sounded busy. She could hear pots and pans clanking in the background.

"I uh…I need a recommendation," she paused "I need a recommendation for a therapist for me."

"Oh," he sounded surprised, "Is this a work thing? Perhaps Dr. Sweets would be better able to help you being as I am a chef and no longer a psychologist."

She sighed. She figured he'd do this. He was always trying to involve Sweets.

"Sweets can't know. I don't want Sweets to know. Look Gordon Gordon, I just need a recommendation. I need to know who to call to help me."

He sighed, "Ok, what exactly do you need help with?"

She paused. Did she really want to do this?

"Dr. Brennan?" he sounded intrigued.

She took a deep breath, "I need a behavioral therapist. Someone who specializes in Aspergers," she let out in a rush.

The line was quiet for a moment. "I know someone who can help." His voice was soft when he said, "You really have come a long way."

She was pretty sure she heard a little pride in his voice.


	2. Chapter 1

_Ok I got a few reviews talking about how interesting the storyline is and I just wanted to say that the idea for it came from a comment in an article by Hart Hanson in which he acknowledges that Brennan does indeed have Aspergers but that they haven't explored it due to the fact that the show is on cable and he doesn't want to label her and risk loosing audience members. I personally would love to see that story line; hence my story. Which incidentally is my first Bones fic, so helpful criticism is very welcomed. You can find a link to the article in my profile since I apparently cannot post it here. _

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**Chapter 1**

Monday had been horrible. Normally Brennan had no trouble falling into her work and forgetting everything else. Unfortunately for her, she and Booth didn't have a case and for some reason identifying World War I remains didn't hold the pleasure it used to. There just wasn't the same level of satisfaction she got helping to catch murders. She acknowledged that having Booth around probably helped the interest level too, though that thought disturbed her on some level. How did he have so much influence over her life? And what was she supposed to do about it.

She was pretty sure she loved him, though she had nothing to compare it to. She just didn't know what to do about it. How do you show someone that you love them? There was no protocol that she knew of. As a child she had learned that when someone extended their hand, you were supposed to shake it and say hello. When someone said 'take a seat' you weren't supposed to literally take the seat, it meant to set down. But what action, what words, showed love. She knew that sex sometimes showed love and saying 'I love you' obviously did too, but Booth wouldn't settle for just that. He deserved more than that. He deserved someone who could show them with their heart, not their body. He deserved someone who knew how to comfort him when he was down. He deserved someone who could say the right thing, do the right thing, and that someone wasn't her. Hence the call she placed to the therapist that morning. She could learn how to be what he needed.

"Hey Dr. B, you about done?" Hodgin's voice snapped her out of her musings. She looked up to see him leaning on the door frame. It reminded her of Booth. She shook her head to dispel those thoughts.

"Yes, I was just shutting down the computer," she answered as she finished gathering her things. "Why do you ask?"

"Angela's getting everyone together to go out for drinks."

"Oh. I can't I have an…uh, appointment," she mumbled, cursing her inability to lie effectively.

"Oookay. At 7 o'clock at night? Something going on?" he asked suspiciously.

Brennan paused midway between her desk and the door. She had considered telling Hodgins about her condition on a few occasions, particularly when they were buried in that car. She got so tired of trying to hide it and she felt Hodgins would be the most understanding. He was Zack's best friend after all, and Zack had been worse off than she was.

"I have to go see-" she started only to be cut off by Angela.

"Sweetie, you ready?" Brennan didn't think it was a question so much as a statement.

"I can't go Ang. I have somewhere to be." she answered quickly, walking between them and out of her office.

"Where?" Angela asked with a doubtful look on her face.

Brennan was starting to get frustrated. She was already anxious about meeting with her behavioral therapist, she didn't need to fight with Angela on top of it. "I can't tell you ok? I just…I have something that I have to do."

She didn't give Angela a chance to respond before she turned and walked swiftly to the elevator. Angela looked at Hodgins.

"What the hell was that about?"

* * *

Brennan anxiously looked around the small restaurant. Why the hell did behavioral therapists insist on therapy in public? She'd rather sit in an office for an hour and talk like she and Booth did with Sweets. It wasn't like she was ten anymore and needed help making friends on the playground. She was an adult, an accomplished one at that. All she needed was a little help with emotional protocol.

"Dr. Brennan?" a woman asked from over her shoulder.

Brennan jumped. She really needed to start paying more attention to her surroundings. With a sigh she turned around to say hello and froze. The woman, well girl really, that greeted her couldn't be any older than Sweets. She estimated she was twenty three at the most.

"You're the woman that Gordon Gordon recommended? I'm sorry, I think it would be better if I had someone more experienced helping me. I tend to interact best with people who have doctorates." Brennan said in a dismissive tone she often used.

The woman looked at her for a minute longer and then sat down. "Well, I can see we have a lot to work on. My name is Olivia Carmichael." She extended her hand across the table.

Brennan didn't offer hers in return. "Look," she began, "I'm sure that you're very nice but-"

"When someone says their name and extends their hand, you're supposed to shake their hand and tell them your name." Olivia cut her off.

Brennan glared. "Yea I know. I've been through all of this. I don't need social behavior guidelines explained to me."

"Apparently you do." Olivia replied wiggling her hand.

Brennan sighed and gave in, extending her hand she said, "I'm Temperance Brennan."

"Excellent," Olivia said while shaking her hand. She picked up her menu. "Gordon recommended me because I am in my final year of graduate school at Georgetown University. I carry a 4.0 average. I have already been accepted into a doctorate program for psychiatry at Johns Hopkins. And he said that it would be good for you to learn from someone below your level of intelligence."

Brennan shook her head, "How will that accomplish anything?"

Olivia smiled, "Because, when it comes to this, I'm the expert, you're not. Gordon suggested that you may benefit from learning to bow to others' areas of expertise even if they are dumber than you are. Now, what's good to eat here?"

Brennan stared at her for a moment before bowing her head and pinching the bridge of her head. Why the hell had she decided to do this?

* * *

_I just want to add here that while I almost have a degree in psychology (3 weeks) I have no practical experience with Aspergers. I'm gonna try my best but if someone notices a mistake please don't hesitate to point it out._


	3. Chapter 2

_**Hey guys its been forever since I updated. I just haven't felt motivated since the finale. Let's just say I was extremely disappointed and leave it at that. Anyways, thanks for hanging in there!**_

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**Chapter 2**

Despite her initial impression, Brennan found that she liked Olivia. She was forward and pushy with her questions and observations, but she was honest in her opinions. In her experience, psychologists tended to encourage people to figure out things for themselves. Olivia just came right out and told Brennan what she thought.

"Ok I'm gonna be straight with you. Your social skills seem to be about as good as they're going to get with therapy. What exactly did you want my help with?" Olivia asked after they had ordered dessert.

"Emotions." answered Brennan. "I'm not good at showing them or interpreting them."

"The Aspergers makes that difficult. Honestly the best way for you to do that is through your relationships, not therapy. I mean, I can teach you to recognize facial movements and body language and their corresponding emotions, but I'm getting the feeling that that's not what you're after."

Olivia had known two minutes into the conversation that Dr. Brennan was extremely adept at social situations for an Aspie. She had obviously had a lot of behavioral therapy and it had paid off.

Brennan's face fell. "No it's not."

"Why don't you tell me why this is so important to you." Olivia suggested.

Brennan stalled. She really did not want to have to discuss Booth. She decided to be as vague as possible. "There's a man."

She looked up at Olivia and recognized the look of understanding that crossed her face. "Ah. And you don't know how to tell him you love him?" she asked.

She hesitated.

"Look you asked for my help and I'd really like to help you but I can't do that if you don't talk to me." Olivia implored.

Brennan studied her for a long moment. Finally she sighed. She wasn't going to get help if she didn't help herself first. "I don't know how to show him. I've dated men before, but I never cared enough for this to be a problem. I could just say the words but…he deserves more. I don't know how to…Booth has such a good heart and I…I want to learn how to be what he needs."

The waitress arrived with their deserts. Olivia took a bite and looked at Brennan. "I don't know how much I can help you with this. I can't teach you how to love. You already know how. You're already doing it. The fact that you asked for help shows that you love him."

"It's not enough." Brennan insisted urgently.

"Isn't it?" Olivia asked. "Let me ask you something. Does he know?"

"Know what?" Brennan asked confused. "That I love him? That's why I'm here."

"No. Does he know you have Aspergers?"

"Oh." Brennan played with her dessert. "No." she aswered quietly. "None of my friends do. The only ones who do are my dad and brother." she paused, "And Gordon Gordon now I guess. I don't want the others to know."

Olivia mulled that over. She was beginning to get the picture here. Dr. Brennan's problem wasn't entirely caused by the Aspergers. It was more an issue of trust.

"Why don't you want them to know? It might help them to understand you better."

Brennan looked her in the eye. "I don't want them to know that I'll never be normal. Booth and Angela still think that they can help me. That I just hide behind science to keep from dealing with certain things. I don't want to have to tell them that I'll never be what they want me to be."

"What if they don't want you to be something else? What if they're trying to help you because they want you to be happy?"

Brennan shrugged and pushed her dessert away. She was getting tired of this conversation. She felt worse now than when she started all of this. Olivia sensed this and moved to wrap up the session of sorts.

"I think I found a way to help you with all of this. If you're willing to trust me a little and do what I ask."

Normally Brennan hesitated to trust new people. Probably more of a result of her childhood than anything else, but she needed to trust Olivia. What other choice did she have?

"What do you want me to do?" she asked.

"You said your brother and father know about your Aspergers. I want you to tell two more people. Anyone of your friends or coworkers, you choose."

"Why?" Brennan asked suspiciously.

Olivia smiled a little. "I think it will help you. I think that you need to learn to trust your friends. Trust the people in your life with this. I will help with everything, including Booth, in the long run."

* * *

Brennan was up half the night weighing the pros and cons of who to tell. She decided Hodgins would be the best choice since she had already considered telling him anyway. She trusted him to keep it a secret. And she was right in choosing him. Over a rare lunch together she had explained her situation to him. He had nodded as if he suspected it all along and asked if she needed help with anything. He really was a good friend and she made a mental note to talk to him more often.

The thing that she had agonized over was who the second person should be. Booth and Angela were out, obviously. She really didn't want to tell Sweets even though she was pretty sure he already knew. As it was he had never mentioned it and she didn't want to open up the opportunity to have a talk about it. She could tell one of her interns, but she didn't know how well she could trust them, plus they were her subordinates. She wasn't comfortable with that. That really only left one person and although she wasn't happy about it, she had decided to go ahead and do it. Sighing she got up and walked across the lab. She felt uncharacteristic nervousness knocking on the door.

She took a deep breath. "Cam, you have a minute?"

Cam spun around in her chair and looked at Brennan. She seemed nervous which was odd. Cam couldn't ever remember Brennan nervous over anything.

"Sure. What's going on?" she asked intrigued.

Brennan walked to where Cam was sitting and fidgeted on her feet a bit.

Cam became concerned. "Is something wrong?"

"No." Brennan assured her. "Well, not really. I just…I have something I need to tell you."

"Ookaayy." Cam said furrowing her eyebrows.

Brennan stilled and looked over Cam's head at the wall behind her before blurting out, "I have Aspergers."

Cam's eyebrows shot up and she opened her mouth to talk then snapped it shut. It wasn't that she was surprised exactly. She was a doctor after all and had had a suspicion from the beginning that Dr. Brennan was on the autism spectrum. What shocked her was that Brennan admitted it and to her no less!

Cam finally decided to just be straight with her. "I figured it was something like that. I just never wanted to say anything incase you didn't…" she trailed off. "I just never thought it was my business."

Brennan nodded. "Yeah I figured that you knew. That's why I picked you."

Cam shot her a confused look.

"My therapist thinks it will be beneficial for me to tell my friends. She made me pick two before our next session. I picked you because I figured you already knew anyways and I don't have to explain anything to you."

"Oh." Cam replied. She noticed that Brennan was fidgeting again and avoiding looking at her. A wave of sympathy passed through her. "Temperance." she said to get her attention. Brennan's head snapped up at the use of her first name. Cam continued, "Thank you for telling me. I know this can't be easy for you and I just wanted to let you know that…I don't care." Brennan's eyes dropped. "That didn't come out right." Cam tried again. "What I mean is, it doesn't change my opinion of you. It doesn't matter that you have Aspergers. You're still the same Dr. Brennan that you were."

Brennan nodded, a bit touched. "Thank you." she said quietly.

Cam smiled. She hadn't had a heart to heart with Dr. Brennan since the foster kid case. She was curious though. "You said you had to pick two. Can I ask who the other one was?"

"Hodgins." Brennan answered. "I figured since he was so close to Zach he'd understand the best."

"Ah, that makes sense." Cam said.

"Yeah well I better get back to work. Thank you for…listening." she said a bit awkwardly. Opening up to Cam was odd and yet she also felt a sense of relief at having a few more people in her life that knew her secret. She stepped toward the door.

"Your welcome." Cam replied. "And Dr. Brennan,"

Brennan turned around.

"Thank you for telling me. And this is none of my business but you might want to consider telling…other people." she was reluctant to mention Booth by name. "I mean I always suspected something like this but knowing it…well it explains a lot and it makes me feel like I understand you a lot better."

Brennan looked at her intently before nodding and walking out. She felt better having Cam and Hodgens know but she didn't think she could tell Booth or Angela for that matter. She didn't think she could bear to let them down like that.

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_Thanks for reading guys. And I promise there will be some B & B action soon. I just really feel that Cam and Brennan are way overdue for a bonding moment._


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